A meltdown and inspiration...Today I had a complete meltdown in a parking lot of a Cracker Barrel while on the phone with my friend Don Morgan. I just lost it - I was tired to the point of sheer exhaustion, Hank wouldn't get in the car and can you blame him? My ass still hurts and my ankles are the size of my grandmothers from all of the driving. So I had a meltdown and asked the question, "What the hell am I doing?" And, "Why can't I be like normal people and just get an office job and live in the suburbs?" "Why do I have to get in the car and drive across country every few years?" Don reminded me I am not normal and that is okay, I would be bored being normal. He then advised me to get out and go to Zion, so that is what I did. I will blog more on the experience of cycling though the canyons of Zion, however, that is not what inspired me. What inspired me was the movie I went to see so I wouldn't go back to the hotel room and work. I saw Julie and Julia, and I went to laugh and left inspired. Three years ago when I left for my first road trip I did so to escape. I was running. Running from life, love and myself. I have harbored a fear on this entire drive that would return on this trip, like a ghost from lives past. This is partly what led to this morning's meltdown - a fear of being a failure, a wanderer and a fear of myself.
But this afternoon in a darkened theatre in St. George, Utah I found inspiration in an unlikely place. A movie about Julia Roberts and her biggest modern day fan. For me it reignited the passion as to why I am doing this trip and moving west. I have set the intention to gorw a business, meet very specific financial goals and to have my niece and nephew know me. Moving west achieves all of this intentions, or gets me closer. However, in the numbness of 2,500 miles and the self-doubt which comes from no permanent place to live, I questioned me. Which is okay for a moment, but if you want to achieve what you set out to do doubt cannot take up residence in your soul. "Whether you think you can or think you cannot, you are probably right." Julia Child did not get her book published on the first round, and her blogger also had trouble, but both had a specific goal and neither gave up. As I watched this movie, I reflected upon where I am and what I am doing this for, and I was reminded...
Namaste, brenda
But this afternoon in a darkened theatre in St. George, Utah I found inspiration in an unlikely place. A movie about Julia Roberts and her biggest modern day fan. For me it reignited the passion as to why I am doing this trip and moving west. I have set the intention to gorw a business, meet very specific financial goals and to have my niece and nephew know me. Moving west achieves all of this intentions, or gets me closer. However, in the numbness of 2,500 miles and the self-doubt which comes from no permanent place to live, I questioned me. Which is okay for a moment, but if you want to achieve what you set out to do doubt cannot take up residence in your soul. "Whether you think you can or think you cannot, you are probably right." Julia Child did not get her book published on the first round, and her blogger also had trouble, but both had a specific goal and neither gave up. As I watched this movie, I reflected upon where I am and what I am doing this for, and I was reminded...
Namaste, brenda
posted by Brenda at 7:35 PM
1 Comments:
We take road trips for many different reasons. You know what the last one was about; this one is different. Sometimes they're to escape, sometimes inspire, sometimes reflect. Sometimes they're just to explore and have fun. Don't be so hard on yourself - you might be different from most everyone you know, but that doesn't make you wrong. Life is a journey - you (we) just take the term literally! Make sure to take time to stop and smell the roses...there's no rush. You'll be just fine.
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